Title: 'Two Evils'
Fandom: Friends
Author: but_can_i_be_trusted
Rating: PG
Challenge: #50: Reverse Fandom: Elementary ('The Woman'/'Heroine'/'The Adventure of the Nutmeg Concoction'/'Possibility Two'/'Lesser Evils'/'Details')
Warnings: Brief mention of murder
Notes: Crossposted to whatif_au and genprompt_bingo

Summary: "Fine. I confess--I killed him," she announced.


"Aha!" Phoebe rose in triumph. "I have the solution," she declared. "I now know the identity of the murderer!"

The quintet surrounding her drew back in alarm. Only a handful of minutes on the case hardly seemed enough for the legendary woman detective to have come to the conclusion already.

Staring at the heroine in morbid fascination, Rachel swallowed. "Who is it, Detective Buffay," she asked in a whisper.

Slowly, Phoebe stared at each in turn. Chandler, who sat awkwardly fumbling with a drink. Ross, who looked smart enough to make the attempt, but not quite clever enough to get away with it. Rachel, who looked too innocent for her own good, while Monica kept anxiously fluffing pillows and straightening silverware, as though the Devil really were in the details. And Joey, who had the perfect poker face, but whose eyes could very well hold a secret or two.

"The murderer is..." Phoebe took a deep, suspenseful breath, before pointing. "The caterer!"

Monica gasped, a spoon falling to the floor and clanging at her feet. "Me?!" She stooped, quickly retrieving the utensil, before setting it down on the table. "How can you accuse...?"

"You were the one who prepared the mulled wine for tonight's party," Phoebe declared, looming over the nervous caterer. "You plied the victim with one glass after another. And you replaced the nutmeg...with arsenic!"

"My own sister, a murderer," Ross groaned, looking heartbroken. "Why, Monica?!"

Caught, Monica glared at Phoebe. "Fine. I confess--I killed him," she announced. "But only because he was going to shut my business down out of spite! So I created a false storefront," she continued, looking eerily pleased with herself. "I used an assumed name, to lure him in, along with phony reviews to make it look convincing enough for him to hire me. We'd never met, so he didn't have any way to recognize me when I arrived here for work. It was the perfect revenge, the perfect opportunity!"

"And I'm glad we're only playing Clue," Chandler piped up. He frowned, shivering. "Whose bright idea was this, anyway? To play Clue at a post-New-Years party?"

Joey raised a hand. "Guilty," he responded. "The other possibility was Charades, but we all know how competitive Monica is when people play on teams. This seemed like the lesser of two evils."