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Title: Never, Ever Again
Author: Katya Starling
Fandom: Smallville
Characters/Pairing: CLex (Clark/Lex)
Rating: PG-13/T
Challenge/Prompt: Ficlet Zone: Fall Out Boy Song Titles: From Now On, We Are Enemies. and Slash Ficlets 11: Rain
Word Count: 2,220
Date Written: 12 April 2020
Warnings: Future Fic, AU
Summary: He'll never have his trust, or love, again.
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
"From now on, we are enemies." The words spiraled through his mind, echoing back from the past and screaming into his heart and soul in the present. Of all the things he had ever been told, of all the taunts he'd ever endured, and all the painful tragedies he'd suffered, those simple words were the most meaningful. He'd thought, as he always had, that he would be able to change his mind, but he had thought wrong, so utterly and completely wrong.
He still remembered that night as vividly as if it had just happened, and the pain was as fresh as ever it had been. He recalled, with accurate, unflinching detail, every tear that had fallen down both their faces and every word each of them had spouted. His heart wrenched with pain. His blue eyes flew open, and he screamed the name he always screamed upon becoming conscious, the name he'd once so foolishly thought he would ever cry in passion and happiness, two things that were far, far removed from him this day and time.
Lex jumped out of bed and half-ran, half-stumbled to his window. He always kept him open, even on the most bitter of nights, and had since that fateful night. He kept hoping his lover would change his mind, that his love would return to him and return to his beloved's heart, but the sad truth was, he knew in moments such as these, that they never would. He would never have his Clark back. He would never have their love back. He was the idiot who had destroyed it all.
Tears streamed down Lex's face as he leaned out of his window and looked searchingly up at the night sky. He couldn't see most of the stars for the lights of his security system, but he would have been able to make out Clark's bright costume had he been up there. He could always see him whenever he was anywhere near, and even sometimes when he couldn't be seen, he could still feel him. But not tonight. Tonight, the sky was as empty as Lex's heart.
He hung his head, tears weeping down his face, and leaned against his window frame for support. He felt like sinking to his knees and staying there until his heart finally ceased to beat the way it should, a feat no other enemy had ever been able to accomplish. But that was the thing, wasn't it? Clark should not be his enemy. Clark was the man he loved, the only good thing in Lex's miserable life, but he'd destroyed even that. Clark would never, ever forgive him this time; worse by far, he would never love him again.
Lex was living in a fairy tale world if he ever truly dared to think otherwise, and like the diabolical, evil king in every fairy tale, he had destroyed the best things in the world. He had destroyed Clark's love for and faith in him. It was a wonder it had taken so long, Lex reflected, shaking his head, a true wonder Clark hadn't given up on him like the rest of the world had when they had still just been mere boys. It had taken him years to finally make him give up, but when he had, he had permanently. There was absolutely nothing Lex could do to change his mind.
And he had certainly tried. He had bought out all of Kansas and offered every bit of their home state to the man he loved. When Clark had refused, Lex had given Martha a seat of power that she could never forget, and that Kansas also would never forget. It again had the best Governor it had ever had, and this time, she would not lose the reigns until she chose to give them up. He had done the best he could for those still in their home state, and for the land where he had actually been happy, even if it never could have lasted long enough. Martha had been grateful and had seen he was trying to do his best, but Clark had thought it only a ploy to win him back -- which, of course, it had started as, but had also grown to be much, much more.
He had saved more than Kansas since then. He had saved America and even the world numerous times. He had finally completely put all of his wealth and power into what Clark had always pressed him to do. But it had all been in vain. It was in vain every day. Why did he even continue to save the Earth? Lex wondered pitifully, shaking his head in sorrow. It didn't do him any good, and it wasn't as though he wanted to live in this place, in this life, not without his Clark.
He again looked up to the night sky, aching to scream the name that reverberated through every inch of him. It was not, however, the name that millions shouted every day, that was praised constantly, and the whole world knew. It was his other name, the name that very few still living knew, a name that only two cherished, a name that only one loved as greatly and passionately as a soul mate could. It wasn't Superman to whom he ached to call. The world could have Superman. It was Clark, always his sweet, darling, loving Clark.
But Clark didn't love any more. The reporters all across the globe were now ripping everyone's favorite hero to shreds. He had forgotten how to love, forgotten how to truly care, and Lex could no longer reach him. Even Martha's calls went unanswered. Whereas Lex had fully devoted everything he possessed to benefiting the world, and all of Clark's favorite charities to boot, Clark himself was barely saving the world. He'd save the world every time it was attacked, of course, but he didn't care how much damage, or even how many lives, were taken in the toll. There was now more destruction in the wake of every superhero battle than there had ever before been.
And it didn't matter. None of it mattered any longer. He didn't care if every cent he owned was wrapped up in an endless, senseless battle. He had tried so many times in the past to take over the world in large part to protect what was his, because he knew no matter how many attempts was stopped, there would always be others who tried to rise up and take over. Yet now instead of trying to deal with all the possible uprisings in one feat, he just had his people tackle each one as it came up. As long as the world spun, people, and aliens, would keep trying to take it over; it was a fact whose simple truth had always been lost on Clark ever since they'd been boys -- until, apparently, these most recent months.
Had it really been only been months? he wondered, his eyebrows suddenly piquing. Had it truly only been months since Clark had flown out of this very window to never return? Had it only been months since the only human being who still mattered to Lex in all this wretched world had finally lost all hope in him, had told him that he hated him and always would, that he would never again trust or love him? Lex bent his head, burrowed his face in his knees, and sobbed uncontrollably. It didn't matter if it had been months, days, or years; it felt like a lifetime ago.
A lifetime ago since he'd last been happy, a lifetime ago since he'd last been able to hold his sweet, wonderful Clark in his arms, a lifetime ago since his only love had touched his lips to his. It felt, in short, like a lifetime since he'd been loved, or known any form of happiness. That happiness was gone forever, their love destroyed, and it was all Lex's fault.
And all he'd tried to do was to keep Clark safe for a single night. He had not yet recovered from a previous battle. He'd still been weak, but instead of accepting that America had needed to stand on her own for a change, he had blamed himself first and then Lex for not going to that fight. And then he had blamed Lex alone when he'd discovered that their enemy had used stolen LuthorCorp technology to do all he'd done. Lex hadn't invented a single thing since, and he wouldn't.
He had walked into plenty of labs since, and gone to all sorts of seemingly abandoned places and dark hideaways, all in search of one thing. That thing wasn't something from which the world would benefit. Only he himself would benefit from it, and quite selfishly at that. But damn it, the world thought he was selfish; it always had! Clark believed him to be selfish now, having refused to listen to the truth that he'd not known that particular technology was being made in the bowels of his company. He'd not approved it; he'd never seen it or even heard of it. Still, Clark had blamed him for it all.
And it was his fault, Lex thought, his shoulders shaking. It was his fault no matter what he or even others wanted to say. His company had funded the money to make the technology. It had been his employee, his equipment, his funds. He was just as guilty at the ego maniac who had created the rays. He might as well have shot them himself. There was no way he wasn't guilty, no way that everything that had ensued was not his fault, including Clark leaving him for good.
He had done everything he could to try to find a way to bring Clark back. He had seduced. He had plotted and created. He had gone into the darkest, dankest places on this planet and others, seeking even a way to wipe the memory from Clark's mind, any way at all to change his mind. And he had found telepaths who could do it but wouldn't because it was Superman.
Then he'd found the one, and that one genius had asked him the question both that had earned the telepath his death and had made Lex stop seeking a way to force Clark to love him again. He still remembered the being's audacity almost as vividly as he recalled that horrible fight. 'But if he loved you again,' he had so boldly and foolishly asked, 'because of my magic, would that not mean that he still did not love you? It would be my magic forcing him to love you, not him truly loving you.'
That statement had made Lex both stop with ice filling every inch of him and then react with fire the very next second, killing the telepath where he'd hovered, legs crossed in meditation style, in the air before him. His words had been wise, but they had also been the last ones he would ever speak. Lex thought, not for the first time, that he should not have killed the ancient bastard. He should have let him live and made him do the job. He could still be searching for others who would do it.
The problem, of course, was his heart. His heart ached with blinding pain not just for Clark to love him again but for Clark to truly choose to love him again. That was what would never, ever happen again. He could be made to love him, but he would not choose to do so without some kind of method to force him. Just as the Earthlings would never live in peace without some one, or some thing, to make them. People didn't choose to do right by nature. Only a very slim portion of any species chose to be good, and even the good ones were never perfect.
He certainly wasn't perfect, Lex thought, sobbing. He was the furthest thing from it. He was, as Clark had once called him since their biggest and worst fight ever, evil personified. He was wicked. He was foul. He didn't deserve Clark. He didn't deserve love, to live, or to be loved. No wonder he was stuck living in Hell, and he did so every night out of the inane, infantile, and utterly and completely senseless idea that Clark still might love him again one day. But it would never happen, Lex thought, shaking his head and sobbing. It would never happen; Clark would never love him. He'd lost him, and it was all his fault. He ached, with every fiber in him, to simply take his last breath, but he wouldn't not tonight or any time near to come. Even death was too good for him.
He sobbed, and as the night wind blew, it carried the salty scent of his tears with it. Outstretched fingers touched the salty moisture and held it to his lips. A hero's heart ached, but he stayed hovering where he was, out of sight but never out of mind. His own tears wept, falling like rain. He wanted nothing more than to go to the man he loved, but he knew he couldn't, never again, never, ever again.
The End
Author: Katya Starling
Fandom: Smallville
Characters/Pairing: CLex (Clark/Lex)
Rating: PG-13/T
Challenge/Prompt: Ficlet Zone: Fall Out Boy Song Titles: From Now On, We Are Enemies. and Slash Ficlets 11: Rain
Word Count: 2,220
Date Written: 12 April 2020
Warnings: Future Fic, AU
Summary: He'll never have his trust, or love, again.
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
"From now on, we are enemies." The words spiraled through his mind, echoing back from the past and screaming into his heart and soul in the present. Of all the things he had ever been told, of all the taunts he'd ever endured, and all the painful tragedies he'd suffered, those simple words were the most meaningful. He'd thought, as he always had, that he would be able to change his mind, but he had thought wrong, so utterly and completely wrong.
He still remembered that night as vividly as if it had just happened, and the pain was as fresh as ever it had been. He recalled, with accurate, unflinching detail, every tear that had fallen down both their faces and every word each of them had spouted. His heart wrenched with pain. His blue eyes flew open, and he screamed the name he always screamed upon becoming conscious, the name he'd once so foolishly thought he would ever cry in passion and happiness, two things that were far, far removed from him this day and time.
Lex jumped out of bed and half-ran, half-stumbled to his window. He always kept him open, even on the most bitter of nights, and had since that fateful night. He kept hoping his lover would change his mind, that his love would return to him and return to his beloved's heart, but the sad truth was, he knew in moments such as these, that they never would. He would never have his Clark back. He would never have their love back. He was the idiot who had destroyed it all.
Tears streamed down Lex's face as he leaned out of his window and looked searchingly up at the night sky. He couldn't see most of the stars for the lights of his security system, but he would have been able to make out Clark's bright costume had he been up there. He could always see him whenever he was anywhere near, and even sometimes when he couldn't be seen, he could still feel him. But not tonight. Tonight, the sky was as empty as Lex's heart.
He hung his head, tears weeping down his face, and leaned against his window frame for support. He felt like sinking to his knees and staying there until his heart finally ceased to beat the way it should, a feat no other enemy had ever been able to accomplish. But that was the thing, wasn't it? Clark should not be his enemy. Clark was the man he loved, the only good thing in Lex's miserable life, but he'd destroyed even that. Clark would never, ever forgive him this time; worse by far, he would never love him again.
Lex was living in a fairy tale world if he ever truly dared to think otherwise, and like the diabolical, evil king in every fairy tale, he had destroyed the best things in the world. He had destroyed Clark's love for and faith in him. It was a wonder it had taken so long, Lex reflected, shaking his head, a true wonder Clark hadn't given up on him like the rest of the world had when they had still just been mere boys. It had taken him years to finally make him give up, but when he had, he had permanently. There was absolutely nothing Lex could do to change his mind.
And he had certainly tried. He had bought out all of Kansas and offered every bit of their home state to the man he loved. When Clark had refused, Lex had given Martha a seat of power that she could never forget, and that Kansas also would never forget. It again had the best Governor it had ever had, and this time, she would not lose the reigns until she chose to give them up. He had done the best he could for those still in their home state, and for the land where he had actually been happy, even if it never could have lasted long enough. Martha had been grateful and had seen he was trying to do his best, but Clark had thought it only a ploy to win him back -- which, of course, it had started as, but had also grown to be much, much more.
He had saved more than Kansas since then. He had saved America and even the world numerous times. He had finally completely put all of his wealth and power into what Clark had always pressed him to do. But it had all been in vain. It was in vain every day. Why did he even continue to save the Earth? Lex wondered pitifully, shaking his head in sorrow. It didn't do him any good, and it wasn't as though he wanted to live in this place, in this life, not without his Clark.
He again looked up to the night sky, aching to scream the name that reverberated through every inch of him. It was not, however, the name that millions shouted every day, that was praised constantly, and the whole world knew. It was his other name, the name that very few still living knew, a name that only two cherished, a name that only one loved as greatly and passionately as a soul mate could. It wasn't Superman to whom he ached to call. The world could have Superman. It was Clark, always his sweet, darling, loving Clark.
But Clark didn't love any more. The reporters all across the globe were now ripping everyone's favorite hero to shreds. He had forgotten how to love, forgotten how to truly care, and Lex could no longer reach him. Even Martha's calls went unanswered. Whereas Lex had fully devoted everything he possessed to benefiting the world, and all of Clark's favorite charities to boot, Clark himself was barely saving the world. He'd save the world every time it was attacked, of course, but he didn't care how much damage, or even how many lives, were taken in the toll. There was now more destruction in the wake of every superhero battle than there had ever before been.
And it didn't matter. None of it mattered any longer. He didn't care if every cent he owned was wrapped up in an endless, senseless battle. He had tried so many times in the past to take over the world in large part to protect what was his, because he knew no matter how many attempts was stopped, there would always be others who tried to rise up and take over. Yet now instead of trying to deal with all the possible uprisings in one feat, he just had his people tackle each one as it came up. As long as the world spun, people, and aliens, would keep trying to take it over; it was a fact whose simple truth had always been lost on Clark ever since they'd been boys -- until, apparently, these most recent months.
Had it really been only been months? he wondered, his eyebrows suddenly piquing. Had it truly only been months since Clark had flown out of this very window to never return? Had it only been months since the only human being who still mattered to Lex in all this wretched world had finally lost all hope in him, had told him that he hated him and always would, that he would never again trust or love him? Lex bent his head, burrowed his face in his knees, and sobbed uncontrollably. It didn't matter if it had been months, days, or years; it felt like a lifetime ago.
A lifetime ago since he'd last been happy, a lifetime ago since he'd last been able to hold his sweet, wonderful Clark in his arms, a lifetime ago since his only love had touched his lips to his. It felt, in short, like a lifetime since he'd been loved, or known any form of happiness. That happiness was gone forever, their love destroyed, and it was all Lex's fault.
And all he'd tried to do was to keep Clark safe for a single night. He had not yet recovered from a previous battle. He'd still been weak, but instead of accepting that America had needed to stand on her own for a change, he had blamed himself first and then Lex for not going to that fight. And then he had blamed Lex alone when he'd discovered that their enemy had used stolen LuthorCorp technology to do all he'd done. Lex hadn't invented a single thing since, and he wouldn't.
He had walked into plenty of labs since, and gone to all sorts of seemingly abandoned places and dark hideaways, all in search of one thing. That thing wasn't something from which the world would benefit. Only he himself would benefit from it, and quite selfishly at that. But damn it, the world thought he was selfish; it always had! Clark believed him to be selfish now, having refused to listen to the truth that he'd not known that particular technology was being made in the bowels of his company. He'd not approved it; he'd never seen it or even heard of it. Still, Clark had blamed him for it all.
And it was his fault, Lex thought, his shoulders shaking. It was his fault no matter what he or even others wanted to say. His company had funded the money to make the technology. It had been his employee, his equipment, his funds. He was just as guilty at the ego maniac who had created the rays. He might as well have shot them himself. There was no way he wasn't guilty, no way that everything that had ensued was not his fault, including Clark leaving him for good.
He had done everything he could to try to find a way to bring Clark back. He had seduced. He had plotted and created. He had gone into the darkest, dankest places on this planet and others, seeking even a way to wipe the memory from Clark's mind, any way at all to change his mind. And he had found telepaths who could do it but wouldn't because it was Superman.
Then he'd found the one, and that one genius had asked him the question both that had earned the telepath his death and had made Lex stop seeking a way to force Clark to love him again. He still remembered the being's audacity almost as vividly as he recalled that horrible fight. 'But if he loved you again,' he had so boldly and foolishly asked, 'because of my magic, would that not mean that he still did not love you? It would be my magic forcing him to love you, not him truly loving you.'
That statement had made Lex both stop with ice filling every inch of him and then react with fire the very next second, killing the telepath where he'd hovered, legs crossed in meditation style, in the air before him. His words had been wise, but they had also been the last ones he would ever speak. Lex thought, not for the first time, that he should not have killed the ancient bastard. He should have let him live and made him do the job. He could still be searching for others who would do it.
The problem, of course, was his heart. His heart ached with blinding pain not just for Clark to love him again but for Clark to truly choose to love him again. That was what would never, ever happen again. He could be made to love him, but he would not choose to do so without some kind of method to force him. Just as the Earthlings would never live in peace without some one, or some thing, to make them. People didn't choose to do right by nature. Only a very slim portion of any species chose to be good, and even the good ones were never perfect.
He certainly wasn't perfect, Lex thought, sobbing. He was the furthest thing from it. He was, as Clark had once called him since their biggest and worst fight ever, evil personified. He was wicked. He was foul. He didn't deserve Clark. He didn't deserve love, to live, or to be loved. No wonder he was stuck living in Hell, and he did so every night out of the inane, infantile, and utterly and completely senseless idea that Clark still might love him again one day. But it would never happen, Lex thought, shaking his head and sobbing. It would never happen; Clark would never love him. He'd lost him, and it was all his fault. He ached, with every fiber in him, to simply take his last breath, but he wouldn't not tonight or any time near to come. Even death was too good for him.
He sobbed, and as the night wind blew, it carried the salty scent of his tears with it. Outstretched fingers touched the salty moisture and held it to his lips. A hero's heart ached, but he stayed hovering where he was, out of sight but never out of mind. His own tears wept, falling like rain. He wanted nothing more than to go to the man he loved, but he knew he couldn't, never again, never, ever again.
The End
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